Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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