how can u be prego again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
