i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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