it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
