Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
