So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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