Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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