I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
