her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
