Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
