I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
