I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
