I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize