This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
