Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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