I accidentally had phone sex last night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
