i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
