OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
