I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
