You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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