She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
