Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
