remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
