and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
