I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
