i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he just fucked me for my cheese.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I did not marry a roomba.
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