Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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