I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's the barista slut.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
