dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
