BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Mom said you looked used
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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