I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
