What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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