so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
