So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
