take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
