it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
