Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dignity is for republicans.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
