I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
