Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
