Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
