Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
