I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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