All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm jealous of your bromance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
