Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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