and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
