I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize