the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
