Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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