Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
