Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
