Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are two peas in an std pod
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
