this just has baby written all over it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
