The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
