i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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