You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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