So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like eating out sand paper
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
