you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
