i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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