So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize