you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
