The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
