don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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