I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize