normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
