oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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