just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
