what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone signed my nipple.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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