ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
