I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize